How many issues do you have to think about when planning a homebirth with a toddler?The most obvious is who is going to be with the toddler for essential needs if you are in hard labor (eating, changing diapers, etc. etc.). I want my midwife and my doula to focus on me. But hiring a stranger to come and babysit your toddler while you are birthing seems rather inappropriate. Our families are not that close and I don’t know that I would feel comfortable with any of them here anyway. So, I’m thinking I hire someone but who? The girl next door is probably not going to be OK babysitting while I birth. Do I trust my male teenager? There are several issues with that. And what happens if, G-d forbids I have to transfer to a hospital. What would happen then? This is probably the most complicated issue with planning a homebirth with a toddler.
My toddler is 24 months old, nurses ALOT, and has never been left with a sitter. I am concerned that he will be scared. I am also concerned that my labors have always been in excess of 36 hours (even the first 2 c/s’s were that long before I succumbed to the knife).
We have some strategies with dealing with this but its the issue that is on my mind more than any other. My son will ONLY nap and go to sleep while nursing. What if the new bean wants to arrive during one of those times? With Ethan, I was pushing for over 2 hours.
If you’re due sometime in September, that means you’ve still got 8 months to find someone who would be able to help with your son. When I was planning my 2nd homebirth (my 1st was 19 m/o), my family all lived near, so I never had to worry about that; plus I had several church members within a half-hour’s drive who could have come and helped out. Perhaps you can use these next few months to cultivate a relationship with a trustworthy person who lives nearby. But I was able to take care of my son my entire labor (as it turned out, my husband was out of town and couldn’t get back in time); but much of the time he was watching TV, and my ctx were pretty spaced out my entire labor (no closer than 7 minutes, and sometimes as much as 15….for 24 long hours).
Kathy
Yes, I second what Kathy says. I had a UC with three children under 6 in the house and only my husband as support. Our youngest was only 21 months and thankfully napped up to the hardest labor. As she woke with me in transition and needing my husbands full attention we left her up in her crib to play and yes she did cry but in our thinking it still was a better option than sending her away or having another person involved in our home-birth. She was able to visit her new baby sister almost right after the birth and that was priceless.
Birth has a way of happening – wether or not all is ‘planned’;^)
How wonderful you are planning a homebirth! Mine was a great experience & luckily happened at night while my other two were asleep. However, b/c you have a history of long labors, I understand that even if you went into labor at night, you might still be in labor when he wakes up.
I’d start working now on other ways to get your toddler to sleep. I’m not saying you have to wean him. (If you do plan to tandem nurse, I’d find a support group so you can get advice.) But for sleep you & your husband should work on new sleeping aids/ nighttime routines for him. If you get to a point where your husband can get him to sleep, then he should be able to take care of that aspect during a long labor at home & your chosen sitter can handle everything else- either at home or at the park or zoo or anywhere else your son would be comfortable. This will let you focus on your labor. Good luck!
actually, Zen was born early in the morning, so my son slept through the labor. I would never wean my toddler just for my own conveniences.